Love's Rift
by MacabreMonster
Summary: { SwanQueen} (Before Neverland) Emma and Regina had a well kept secret. They kept it well hidden, until now. How does it take a toll on them? TW: self harm/suicidal ideation
1. Chapter 1

**Not the best at romance/drama... I'm trying though!**

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Regina

"Oh Emma," Regina said sweetly as she pulled Emma close to her. Then she kissed her softly. They moved their bodies close together and laid in the bed. They smiled at each other before they drifted asleep. Emma woke up and checked the clock.

"Oh shit," she yelled. It woke Regina right up. Regina saw the time and urged Emma to leave before Henry woke up. Emma scrambled to get dressed. She stuffed her clothes from yesterday into her messenger bag and headed back Mary Margaret's apartment.

Emma

Emma walked calmly form Regina's home to the apartment. She left later then she wanted to. The day looked and felt good for once in Storybrooke. When Emma opened the door she heard Mary Margaret's voice. "Where were you," she asked Emma.

"Oh no where..." Emma replied while trying to avoid eye contact. "I was...taking my morning walk." Mary Margaret bought the lie, bit still suspicious. The truth was Emma was with her love. She put down her messenger bag and left the room. The Mary Margaret rushed over and took the bag. Every time Emma takes her morning walk her has his bag. She couldn't help to look. It was all Emma's clothes, except, she found a black bra that just didn't look like it belonged to Emma.

Then she heard Emma's footsteps. She scrambled to get everything back to the way it was. Emma was ready to head out for the day.

Regina

Regina was on her way walking Henry to school where she bumped into Emma. Their eyes met and Regina had that warm feeling inside. That feeling was like see the person you like and knowing they like you back. It saddened her, and she thought Emma too, that they can't show their love to the public. This made Regina hate the inhabitants of Storybrooke even more. She couldn't be with the one she loved.

Regina then sat in Granny's Diner alone. She was eating but wasn't in the right mood to enjoy it. She knew no one liked her in town except Henry and Emma. Emma, thats who she really cared about. Emma walked in. Regina looked up and stared at her while the walked across the room. Emma turned around, "What are you looking at?" Regina knew Emma had to be harsh. They weren't suppose to like each other in public, that is what they agreed. Though it still hurt Regina inside.

Emma

She sat in the Sheriff's office. Emma had her hands behind her head and feet propped up on the desk. It was a quiet day in Storybrooke. She went to grab her iPod and turned up the music on the speaker. "In The End" by Black Veil Brides was playing. Emma didn't remember putting this song on there. It was Regina's playlist playing. She missed Regina a lot. Every song made it worse. Soon everything was beginning to remind Emma of Regina. "I miss her..." Emma mumbled.

"You miss who," asked a voice. Emma turned to the door and it was Mary Margaret. "Oh...no one important," Emma was spitting another lie. Mary Margaret though wasn't buying it. "Who do you miss?" Emma tried to think up a lie. This one was technically not a lie because she did miss her, "I missed you." Emma got up and hugged her.

"What are you doing here?" Emma was hoping she would leave soon. "I wanted to see if you wanted to get lunch?" Emma looked at the clock. It was lunch time so she agreed to go. Their sit down at Granny's was awkward because the whole time Emma wanted to say something about the real Regina and how she feels. She knew that would not be smart so she didn't.

After lunch they parted ways but instead of heading back towards the Sheriff's office she headed in the direction of Regina's house. Mary Margaret saw this and was even more puzzled. First the bra and now towards Regina's?

Regina

Regina opened the door and her eyes brightened while she smiled. "Emma..." Then she welcomed her in. "Henry isn't home. He's at school... Any reason you're here?" Regina knew Emma wanted to be around her and she wanted the same. Emma pulled the collar on Regina's shirt, leading her to her lips. "Hello love," Emma whispered.

Later Emma and Regina were in the kitchen when they heard footsteps coming up to the door. It was Henry. Regina and Emma have been 'sharing' Henry. He stays with one every other week. He walked into the kitchen to see Regina smiling and laughing with Emma.

"Henry why don't you go over to a friends house for today." Regina smiled as she spoke to him. He was a bit 'weireded out' and walked out to make some phone calls. Eventually he made plans and left. Regina and Emma anxiously awaited to door to close. Then it did.

She pulled Emma close to her. "We have the whole house to ourselves," Regina said seductively. She caressed Emma's face. Emma's hand touched Regina's. They smiled at each other and passionately kissed. Then Emma's eyes looked up at the ceiling. Regina knew what she wanted and she smiled. Taking Emma's other hand she pulled her upstairs. Emma tackled Regina onto the bed. The laughed and Regina wrapped her arms around Emma. They kissed till it turned into more.

After they had calmed down they lay under the covers naked. They slept in each other's bare arms. Only knowing love in their dreams. It was past midnight and someone was banging on the door, but neither heard. They were in too deep of a sleep. The also didn't hear the door open or the person walk up the stairs.

Regina's eyes opened slightly when the door was opened letting in light.

"Emma!" Someone yelled from the doorway. It was Mary Margaret.


	2. Chapter 2

**(I hope you guys like this part... its more of a filler to be honest...)**

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Regina:

Regina looked at the flabbergasted Mary Margaret. Her eyes were cold and pierced through Mary Margaret's mind. "Emma…. Regina…. Emma…. What the hell?" she yelled. She walked into the room towards Emma. Regina pulled Emma close to her. "No." Regina lifted her hand and held fire in it, but then Emma had started to awaken. She mumbled Regina's name and Regina extinguished the flame. Then Emma finally noticed who was staring her blank in the face. "Mary Margaret," Emma shrieked as she pulled the covers up to her face.

"What the hell is going on here?" Regina kissed Emma's cheek just to piss Mary Margaret off. "Love," Regina answered. Emma turned over and placed her head on Regina's chest. "Yes,... Love," Emma added.

"Now, I have a question for you... How did you get in my house?" Regina had anger in her tone. Mary Margaret held up her hand. She was holding a lock-picking kit. "Where did you find that," Emma asked. "In your messenger bag where I found a black bra, whose owner I know now...but seriously Emma...really?"

"Wait for me outside the room. I will get dressed in a bit." Regina shooed Mary Margaret out of the room. Once the door closed Regina got up and dressed into night clothes. She didn't expect Emma to be staying any longer.

"Reggie, what are we gonna do," Emma asked. Regina looked at her and smiled. "No matter what I'm on your side Em." Then she sat down next to Emma. She squeezed her hand. "Get dressed..." Regina stood up and walked outside the room. She closed the door gently closed the door behind her.

"Regina, what is your problem? Sleeping with Emma? Don't mess with her like this!" Regina was instantly ticked off, more then usual with Snow. She hushed Snow to a calmer state.

"Why would I mess with Emma like this?" Regina's voice was soft, sincere, and fully of worry. Snow just looked at her with anger.

"You're faking love Regina. You are screwing around with her and you don't care that its not real." Mary Margaret scolded. Regina shook her head.

"Who said it wasn't real." Mary Margaret looked at her and spoke, "Your deceit even has you tricked Regina." Regina was hurt by those words. Then she spoke up, "At least I'm giving her something you can't, love. You can always pretend to be her parent but you can never love her the way I do." Mary Margaret was furious.

"Enough of your lies. I'm taking Emma home." Right as she said that the door opened slightly. Emma looked through. Mary Margaret grabbed Emma's hand and pulled her out of the room. Then soon out of the house. Regina walked to window and watched them leave. "Emma..." she whispered.

Emma:

Emma was being dragged by Mary Margaret to her car, but before they left the yard she pulled away. "Emma what are you doing?" Emma stared at Mary Margaret. Her eyes were full of anguish and Emma lashed out, "Why did you do that?"

Mary Margaret looked at her. "Because she was using you Emma." She tried to put her hand on Emma's shoulder but Emma wouldn't allow it. "No she wasn't. All you guys know is the broken person on the outside. I know the real Regina. She is not who you think," Emma spoke rapidly. Mary Margaret grabbed Emma again in anger. She pulled her into her car and drove back to the apartment.

She looked out the window as they drove through the town. "What will happen now," Emma asked herself.

The next day Emma started to get ready to go to work when Mary Margaret caught up with her. "Emma we need to talk about this." Emma looked at her and then went back to what she was doing. "No, we don't." Then she rushed out of the door.

She felt like she was being watched as she went to her car. She drove to work and it was another useless boring day. She decided to go to Granny's for lunch. She walked down the street looking down at the ground. She opened the door and she saw Regina sitting in the back. Emma wanted to go sit with her but she decided to sit alone, but Regina had a different idea. She moved and sat with Emma. No one seemed to care.

"Hello Ms. Swan," she smiled as she spoke. Before Emma could say anything Mary Margaret walked in. She saw the two and walked over to them. "Emma, what are you doing with her?" She interrogated. Regina came in to save Emma, "We are discussing who Henry gets to stay with next. What are you thinking, may I ask?"

"You know very well what I mean Regina. You and her relationship. Stay away from her." Everyone around turned and looked at their commotion. "Go away, people are staring." Emma urged. "No, they are going to know about you two. It's not a secret anymore." Emma and Regina both looked at each other, nodded, and then left.


	3. Chapter 3

**(Heavy Emotions in this part)**

Regina:

Regina stormed out of Granny's. "Reggie," Emma called after her. Regina turned around, "What, Em, what!" Regina snapped. Emma looked at her with sadness in her eyes. Then Regina walked up to Emma and took her hand. She sighed, "I'm sorry Em. I didn't mean to snap at you." Emma accepted the apology.

"So should this, us, be public?" Regina asked. She didn't care the answer. Everyone hated her already. Emma smiled at her and pulled her close. She didn't lean in for the kiss, Regina did. They kisses quickly, for someone interrupted them."I knew it!" The two looked over and Henry was standing there. Both of them responded in unison, "What?" "I always suspected you two were doing something..." Henry said. Emma and Regina gave each other a look.

Regina walked over to Henry, "You need to keep this quiet. Mary Margaret already knows–" Henry cut her off "Her name is Snow White." Regina sighed. "Fine, Snow already knows...keep quiet okay? For Emma, if not me..." Then someone walked up behind Regina. "He doesn't need to keep it a secret" She turned around and if it wasn't Charming himself.

"Hello Charming," Regina grumbled as she rolled her eyes. "What do you want?" Charming took Emma's arm. He spoke briskly, "I want you away from Emma." He started walking away while dragging Emma with him. Henry stated walking with Charming. She looked down. Regina felt alone again, but then she looked back up. Emma looked over her shoulder and smiled at Regina.

Emma was the reason Regina even smiled anymore. Regina started to walk to her car. Ruby walked out from the diner and gave her a cold glare. Regina brushed it off and kept walking. She got into her car and just sat there for a few moments. She knew this was the end of their official relationship, but Emma was always going to be part of the good left in Regina's heart.

When she got home Regina rushed to the kitchen and grabbed the phone. Quickly she dialed Emma's number, but no answer. She waited around her home doing usual things.

The next few days were horrible for Regina. She stayed inside her house fearing the hate. After the fourth day Regina couldn't take it. She called Emma again, no answer. That night when she was getting ready for sleep she sat down on her bed. She didn't cry even though she wanted too.

This was unusual for Regina. She usually never feels this way. "Damn you... Damn love," Regina said angrily. Her temper was getting to her, but also despair. A thought came into her head and she tried so hard to ignore it. Even with her strong will she couldn't ignore it. She went downstairs and went through a kitchen drawer.

When she returned to her room she rolled up her sleeve and let the object touch her arm. Three times it rolled on her skin before she dropped it. Regina was a mess.

Then something caught her eye. Emma had left her messenger bag. Regina saw a little present in it. She got up and picked it up. With hesitation she opened the box. Inside was a beautiful heart-shaped locket. Regina sat back down on the bed and lost it. Tears escaped her eyes, not a lot though. She loved Emma and that love would be her downfall.

Regina then opened the locket. It had a little heart with a picture of a heart that said in tiny letters "To: Reggie". On the other side with a photoshopped picture of them, but it still made Regina smile. Regina put the locket on and then headed to the bathroom. She took a towel and cleaned off her arm. The white towel was now stained with blood. Then Regina went to bed.

The next day was gorgeous. Regina sat outside at park in the hot weather, in long sleeves. She saw Henry and he sat down beside her. "Hey mom," he said cheerfully. Regina gave a soft smile to him. She hugged him. No talking went between them for a while until Henry spoke, "You know I do approve..." Regina was puzzled. "Approve of what exactly?" He looked at her. "You and Emma of course." Regina hugged him tight. She didn't need his approval but it brought her comfort.

Regina let go and stood up. "Henry I'm going home." then she headed off. She didn't want to be around people, not Henry, not even Emma. Regina was skipping into a deep depression. There was no reason for it, but when is there ever a reason for depression. All the pain she's felt her whole life is surfacing and the pain of possibly losing Emma.

When Regina finally arrived home she went to the phone and called Emma. This time she answered. "Hey Reggie..." her voice was dull. Something as wrong. They talked for about an hour. The whole time Emma was sounding distant until the end. "I love you Regina." That made Regina smile so brightly. "Oops gotta go." Emma hung up.

Night never came sooner and Regina's mood went down again. It was worst then the night before. She found her new favorite object and let it touch her skin. It felt good as it slit her skin. She felt sensation. The pain wasn't pain at all. It was a distraction from her aching heart. She asked herself out loud, "What the hell am I doing?" Regina desperately looked for her cellphone. She called Emma and left a message. "Em, I need to see you..."


	4. Chapter 4

**(Don't worry Regina will get her happy ending... eventually)**

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Emma:

Everyday was boring without Regina. She went on with her daily life, but there was always something missing. Everything reminded Emma of Regina. In the morning she checked her phone and smiled, a voicemail from Regina.

She listened to it and got ready to visit her love. "Where are you going?" Snow started to interrogate Emma. "I'm going to see Regina," Emma said bluntly. Snow stood up and grabbed her keys. "I'll drive," she said. Emma did not approve.

"You're not going with me." Snow pretended not to hear her. Then both got into Snow's car. The ride was silent. It was an awkward silence until Snow asked a person question. "What do you see in her?" Emma' heart stopped for a second. She sat there and thought.

"I see someone who is misunderstood and has made some terrible mistakes...but deep down she's lovely. She knows what the has done is wrong, but she wants robe better. She's wonderful when you get past the twisted shell she's created." Emma went on and Snow remembers when Regina was kind and caring, not the "Evil Queen."

They came up to Regina's house and both of them got out of the car. Emma knocked on the door.

Regina:

Regina opened the door slightly until she realized it was Emma. The. She went to find an jacket to cover her arm. Then she let Emma in, but not Snow. "I want to visit with my girlfriend...alone thank you." Regina was her usual sassy self. "I came to apologize Regina, I overreacted. If you make Emma happy and she makes you happy..." She stopped taking there. Regina was surprised and what she said. Her voice went out a bit when she told Snow, "accepted..."

Snow left and Regina closed the door. She looked at Emma and smiled. "I missed you," she cooed. Emma came and hugged her. "I missed you too Reggie." the two spent the day together. They watched the Disney version of Snow White and the seven dwarves. Regina was "yelling" at the movie because they portrayed her wrong.

The day was great until night time came. They both were getting ready to go out to eat. "Are you sure this is okay Em?" Regina wondered how much hate she would get over Emma. Emma was the good guy and Regina was the villain. No, Regina didn't want to be the villain anymore. "I'm sure silly," Emma laughed. They to into the yellow bug and drove off.

They sat eating together and getting stares. Their stares pierced through the walls Regina built to protect herself from emotions. She tried to ignore them and continued with dinner. Emma and Regina smiled and laughed until Leroy came over, "Emma I have a question. What do you see in this..." He stopped because he couldn't the proper insult to use. Regina looked down. "I don't know either," she said. Then she pulled out her wallet and put the money to for dinner on the table. She got up and left. She didn't use magic to leave. Regina had walked all the way home. The Evil Queen was dead, but Regina was dying.

Emma:

She paid for the dinner with her own money and took Regina's to return. She gave Leroy a death stare. When Emma got back home to the apartment. Snow asked her about her day with Regina. Emma explained what happened at dinner. "I think I've made her too sensitive," Emma admitted. "She put down her walls that protected her from everyone for me...and now she can't rebuild them."

"You're probably right Emma. I've never know her to be this sensitive. Maybe her past is bothering her as well as the town knowing about you two." Emma knew Snow was right. Emma went to call Regina but no answer.

Regina:

Regina was laying in bed drifting asleep and her depression got to her. She laid there over thinking everything. She put her hand around the locket. She wished Emma was with her now. Then the pain would all be gone. She opened the locket and looked at the picture. A single tear escaped.

She looked at her arm. Her pain had come to be physical, but it was an compulsive addiction. She wanted to be strong it she let someone in and it destroyed her. She called Emma. She did the hardest thing in her life, even more then ripping her father's heart out. She broke up with Emma. I killed her more the she thought. The real Regina was dying on the inside. Regina yelled, "Where is my happy ending?" the fell back onto her bed.

The next day there were more scars to be made. She didn't leave the house, but someone did knock on her door. Regina opened the door and it was Charming. "What is your problem," he asked. "You broke Emma. You just can't let anyone be happy can you?" Regina said nothing. Charming looked her over. "Really?" Then he saw her arm. "Did you—" she stopped him there. "I guess so what would I know about happiness. Then Regina shut the door in his face.

An idea came into her head. She got into her car and went to visit Dr. Hopper. The session went well until it came to her arm. "Regina, why do you do it?" He sounded so sincere. "Because it keeps me from hurting in the inside. It gets rid of my stress and pain," she answered. They kept talking about other ways to relieve her feelings. When the session was over she thanked Archie and went home.

She ate and then just sat in the living room. She thought and thought. Regina couldn't believe the idea that came into her head.

Emma:

She was heartbroken. The break up didn't bother her it was that Regina was really in that much pain. Emma drover over to Regina's and used a her lock picking kit to open the door. Regina came to the front hall to see who it was. She smiled and the two ran to hug each other.

"I'm sorry Reggie for cause you pain." Regina's face turned to anguish. "No Em, it's not your fault..." Regina wrapped her arms around Emma and kissed her. Emma kissed back. They both went upstairs and sat on the bed. Then Regina laid back and when she moved Emma saw something. "What is that," Emma asked while point to Regina's arm.


	5. Chapter 5

Regina:

Regina looked down at her left arm. Then she looked back at Emma and said behind a quick sob, "Pain." She could tell Emma's heart was breaking into two. "Why," Emma asked her. Regina didn't have an answer formulated for Emma. She gave a short answer, "It gives me feeling... Em, I'm going numb. My body and mind are numbing me out because my anguish is too much. Em, I feel like I'm dying inside." Emma was shocked. She never head Regina talk like this. Regina continued, "It...helps."

Emma lifted Regina's arm and looked at it. Some of the cuts looked fresh. Next Emma kisses Regina's cuts. "I don't know what I would do without you Em." Emma looked a her. "Just promise me you wont do it anymore. Always call me and I'll always to try answer." Regina teared up. She nodded her head and moved in for a hug but got a passionate kiss instead. Emma held her in her arms till she was asleep. Emma tucked Regina in like a little kid would be.

The next day Regina woke up and felt like last night was to good to be true. She got out of bed and went to find the blade. She held it in her hand. She wanted to get ride of it, but she couldn't. Her addiction was too far in. She hid the blade in the drawer next to her bed. She then took a hot shower and got dressed. She was going to take a risk. She was going to see Emma.

Emma:

She was eating breakfast when a knock came to the door. Henry went to open it and he said happily, "Mom!" Emma's head perked up. Regina walked in and turned to her. "Hi Emma," she said. Emma smiled at her. "Hey," she replied. Regina sat down next and they had the usual cookie-cutter conversation until Regina told Emma a lie. "I got rid of it. I got rid of the blade." Emma looked at her. "I'm proud of you," she responded. Then Charming appeared and didn't look all too happy. Emma can I speak to you. She rolled her eye and left the room.

Regina:

"That's my que to leave," she said sadly. At least she delivered her lie. She stood up when Henry latched on to her. "Have a good day okay?" Regina smiled at Hume and wished him the same. Hours later she was sitting on the park bench with her sleeves rolled up. It was hot and windy. The wind made the cuts hurt badly but it was too hot to have the sleeves down. "You lied." Regina turned her head. It was Emma. "You promised and then you lie to me. What's happened to you Regina?" Her voice was cold. Regina sat there quietly. "Regina, why?" "Because I just can't, okay! I just can't." She stood up to looked at Emma in the eyes.

"I'm sorry..." Regina was genuine in her words, but Emma had enough. "Reggie, I love you but I can't bare to see you like this. I don't know what is causing you this pain but I feel like it deals with me." Regina's eyes widened with fear. She knew what was happening. "Regina you can always call me but we need distance. I don't want to cause you more pain." Regina clenched her fist. "You're not the problem...you're the remedy." Emma didn't see it and walked away.

Regina couldn't believe how much she's messed up now. To her, this is worse then anything she has ever done. She had no heart anymore. It wraps crushed in to dust.

She started walking. She didn't know where to, but she just walked with her head down. She walked where her mind sent her. She found herself at the outskirts of Storybrooke. She wondered why she walked all the way out here. Then it hit her. Her pain would be gone if she didn't know her past, the horrible memories, and even Emma. She heard a car creep up behind her, but she didn't turn around.

"Regina!" It was Snow's voice. "What are you doing," she cried out. Regina turned her head towards her. She spoke in a soft, corse voice. "Taking away the pain." then Regina looked forward and took a step.


	6. Chapter 6

**(I hope you guys are okay with me dragging this out)**

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Emma:

Emma's phone was ringing constantly. She finally got up of the sofa and answered it. It was Charming. "What is so important?" Charming told Emma what was happening with Regina. She hung up the phone, grabbed her key, and ran to her car.

Even though she she was the Sheriff she was speeding. What the hell was Regina thinking? Eventually she got to the town line. She parked behind Snow's car. "Regina," Emma yelled as he got out of the yellow bug. Regina didn't turn around and kept walking. "Regina look and me tell me what's wrong," Emma pleaded. Then Regina stopped and turned to her. "Everything," she said in a cold icy voice.

Emma ran up to Regina but Regina stepped back. Emma tripped and fell into Regina. She pulled her in for a kiss, but Regina fought back. She moved away. Then Emma noticed where they were. They were past Storybrooke's boundaries. "What the hell? Who are you?" Regina looked freaked out. "Wait... Who am I?" Regina didn't know who Emma was, or even who she was. Emma was the one breaking now.

Emma persuaded Regina to go to Gold's shop. She hoped that somehow he had something that could help. "Well, dearie, true loves kiss can't fix this one. She doesn't know who she is, let alone who you are. She can't love you. You don't exist to her." Emma's heart was being crushed like Regina's. Is this how she felt? Emma felt guilty about all of this.

"There is one thing we could try. We need a blood sample from her, but I doubt her majesty over here will gives that," Gold explained. Emma got and idea. "I'll be right back." Emma got to her wreck of a car and drove to Regina's. When she got there she looked through the room. "Where is it!" She kept looking until she opened the drawer next the bed. There sat three blades, one with blood on it. She carefully grabbed them and headed back to Gold's shop. Regina had been knocked out apparently.

"So...Gold what are we doing with her blood," Emma asked. Gold smiled and Emma handed him the blades. He replied, "Blood has more in it them red blood cells dearie...it has memories." He put the bloody blade into a solution. The liquid turned red. "This will take a while. Why don't you take your forgotten love back to your place. I'll deceive it. It's on the house."

Emma and Snow took Regina to the apartment. Emma led her to the sofa and got her some water. "Who are you again?" Emma gave a small smile and and sat down next to her. "I'm you girlfriend," Emma replied. Regina's face brightened a bit. "And who am I?" Emma laughed a little. "Your my Regina. You're my love and I should have treated and cared for you better." They talked a for a while with Emma explaining about Regina. She didn't leave out any details. Everything was told, even about the Evil Queen days.

"So my name is Regina? And if you're suppose to be my girlfriend I'm not surprised. You're beautiful and sweet." Regina then looked away. Emma put her arm around Regina. "You may not remember me or yourself, but remember you. I know you did things that you shouldn't have done, but your past that. I know you, and I love you." Then a knock came to the door. Henry answered it. It was Mr. Gold. He handed Henry a little bottle full of a red liquid. "Here ya go Henry." With that he left.

Henry handed them the bottle. Regina looked at him. "Drink it, you'll remember who you are love," Emma encouraged her. She took the bottle and put it to her lips. She drank it and a little red glow came over Regina and then disappeared. "Regina," Emma said slowly until she was cut off. Regina had kissed her. She broke away and smiled, "Hey Em." Emma was overflowing with joy. She got her love back. Regina then made a suggestion, "What if... What if you move in with me." Emma smiled and agreed with it. They would start the move tomorrow for tonight they headed to Regina's for a special night.

Regina:

Regina pulled Emma onto the bed. "Only us tonight," she whispered. Regina remembered what Emma had said earlier at the apartment. It made her happy and less stressed. Emma removed Regina's and her shirt. Regina's scars made an appearance. Emma just kissed them and said, "You're beautiful, with or without them. They prove you're strong and are a survivor." Regina then pulled Emma close and kisses her passionately. "I love you," Emma said. Regina said, "I love you too."

That night was fun for them both. After midnight Regina woke up. Even after being with Emma like a real relationship. She had the love she always wanted. That hole was filled but another opened. That hole was brain chemistry gone awry. Her heart was heavy. When the night falls all of her problems explode. She looked in her drawer and her blades were gone. "Great..."


	7. Chapter 7

**(Read all the way to the end. And there will be a chapter after this one.)**

Regina:

The next few days were hard for Regina. She hadn't self-harmed in days. Emma was so proud of her. Regina felt proud too. She was avoiding the urges by spending time with Emma and Henry. They were a happy family. That night though Emma and Regina had an argument.

"You've been spending too much time with your idiot Hook." Regina was jealous. "Really, you're mad about hook? Someone is jealous," Emma taunted. Emma's face showed that she was hiding something. Regina took a guess, "You... You kissed him didn't you!" Emma said, "Ah, yes we did."

Regina was livid. "I can't believe this." Emma was now vicious, "Look who is mad, the little Evil Queen. No one likes you." Regina couldn't believe Emma said that. She walked out of the bedroom. Emma went to lay down. She soon fell into an angry sleep.

Emma:

It was the middle of the night and Emma woke up to find Regina missing. "Reggie," she called out but no answer. Emma got up and walked to the hall bathroom. There was water running like a shower. "Reggie, you in there?" There was a soft sob. "I'm coming in," Emma said. The door however was locked. "Come on Regina let me in." Emma tried to open the door with force. Still it didn't open.

Then Regina's voice came from the bathroom, "Go... Away..." Emma was now determined to get to her love. She ran to get her handy lock-picking kit. Finally the door opened. Regina was sitting in the corner of the shower with water and blood all over her and the shower. There was a steak knife in her hand.

"Regina..." Emma has no words for what she she saw. All she could do want run over to her. She threw the knife across the room and held Regina close. "What are you doing," Emma asked with a cry. Regina didn't answer. She held on to Emma like it was for dear life. It was for dear life.

"Regina... Look at me." She looked up at Emma. "You're a wonderful person deep down and I'm lucky I know and love her. You have to stop. It's not good for you." Regina looked at Emma and then turned away. "No, its the only thing that helps." Regina spoke up again, "But why would you care? Remember no one likes me and I am actually not surprised you turned on me. My love for you is my weakness... You've always been my weakness ms swan. I let my safeguard walls down and look where it got me!" Regina was practically yelling at Emma by the end of the small speech. Emma's heart sank. She had been childish since the beginning with Regina and certainly since people found out. She felt dreadful that it took her this to realize she never was true to how she felt. She loved Regina, but does Regina still love her?

Emma tried to hold her again but Regina staggered to stand up. Her arm was really bloody. Emma stood and chased after her. She took Regina's hurt arm and looked at it closely. Regina winced and tugged her arm away. "Hun they are really deep," Emma said. She never imagined Regina hurt this much. Regina turned to Emma. "Don't call me hun. I may love you, but I am done with you." Regina took a step back and held her head. Then she started to fall. Emma caught her. "Get...off...me..."

After Emma helped clean up Regina they went to her car. Again, Emma was speeding. They arrived at the ER and Emma helped Regina in. A nurse took her to a bed. Emma was told to wait in the waiting room. She wanted to see Regina so badly. Then nurse came back. As they walked to where Regina was the nurse mumbled something. "She may not make it." Emma stopped walking. "What?" Emma was horrified a losing her Regina. Every horrible thing she ever did to Regina passed through her head. "She's lost too much blood. There isn't any time for a transfusion. She's almost gone." Emma and the nurse power walked to Regina.

Regina's eyes were closed "Regina," Emma yelled as she ran to her. Regina opened her eyes. "Emma," she said in a weak voice. Then she took Emma's hand. "I'm sorry...so so so sorry," Emma said. She was in hysterics now. "Emma...I—" her voice faded out and she rested. Her eyes still on Emma. She blinked a few more times and then her eyes closed and body went limp. "No... No!" Emma yelled. "Don't leave... I love you. I meant..." She was full of regret. Every time she let Regina down was a stab to the heart. It felt like her heart was being ripped out and crushed.

Emma: Emma up in a cold sweat. She looked around the room and tried not to cry. She was in Regina's room and Regina was no where to be found. Emma walked down the stairs and into the living room area. There sat Regina. Her head in her hands. Emma was was a nightmare. Regina was alive.

"Reggie," Emma called out. Regina looked up at her and said a cold, "What?" Emma went and sat next to her. "Everything, not just the argument...I haven't been a good person to you. I've been childish and not strong enough to fight for you." Regina turned her head away and looked into space. "I mean it. You're everything to me. I regret all the wrong I've done to. Please listen to me." Regina looked at Emma again. "Im listening...but should I?" She sat there and then moved closer to Emma. "I'll give you a chance...only one more..." Regina and Emma spent that sleeping in different rooms. Emma was worried on the days to come. She knew that everything happened in her nightmare was possible.

Regina:

Regina woke up and got dressed. Then she smelled food. She walked to the kitchen to find Emma making pancakes. Regina leaned on the doorway. She was conflicted about what to do a out Emma. Regina had her emotional walls up and wasn't going to allow anyone, not Henry, not Emma. No one will break them down. "Good morning Em," Regina said. Emma I looked at Regina quickly. "Morning Regina," Emma said sweetly.

Regina looked at Emma. Though she loved Emma that doesn't stop her from being angry. The anger that she felt has existed before. It was equivalent to that of the Evil Queen's. She didn't want to become her again, but the pain and anger was rising. "I need to go to my office," Regina said in a brisk cold voice. Then she walked off.


	8. Chapter 8

**(Credit to my friend forhelping jump start some ideas)**

Regina:

Regina left the house, but instead of heading to her office she we to her vault. She sat the looking at all the relics of the old days when she was the Evil Queen. She thought about her past and how much it matched how she felt now. Her mother was right, love is weakness. Regina thought long and hard about everything. She was thinking too much. It cause her pain to turn to rage.

First it was Daniel and how lonely she felt. Everyone saw her as the Evil Queen, even Emma. Everyone was judging her. So Regina decided to become that person again. They saw her that way so she would be that person. She also stole a few things from her vault.

That night Regina went to a bar. She was all dressed up too in a sexy short low-cut black dress. There sat hook and Regina sat down next to him. "Oh look its the Queen." Hook looked over Regina with a devious smirk. He was drunk. Regina ordered two more drinks. She tricked him into getting ridiculously drunk. "Come on pirate... Let's go out to the alley. I want to talk privately," Regina said in a velvety smooth seductive voice. She got up and walked towards the back entrance. He motioned for him to follow her, and he did.

The back entrance led to an alleyway. Hook started to speak, "What do you want to talk about?" Regina turned to him and smirked. "Oh nothing that interesting..." she took Hook by his collar and pulled him in. Hook knew what was going on and they both leaned in. Regina and Hook kissed. When Hook went to pull away though, couldn't. Regina's hand away around his neck. She tightened her grip on his throat.

"Regina...let go!" Regina just grimaced at him. She was enjoying this. With her free hand Regina moved her fingers and Hook raised his hook. It moved to his cheek and punctured his skin and pulled it down his face. He couldn't control it. He winced because it was a minor scratch, but it then continued in the same place. He was screaming in agony and Regina felt pleasure from it. Regina's magic was too strong to fight back. "I wonder if Emma will still like you since you face isn't as pretty now, pretty boy" Hook was begging for her to stop, but she didn't. "Regina!" Regina looked at the entrance to the alley. Emma was there, but Regina didn't care. She threw the drunken pirate to the side. "What are you doing," Emma said. She was stunned by this. Regina just smiled.

"I feel pain so I'm sharing it. I thought love was the answer, but no. I'm who everyone thinks I am. I can never change," she snickered. Emma was close to tears. "You are not that person anymore Regina." Regina laughed at Emma. "Regina is gone. Long live the Evil Queen." Regina then disappeared into a purple smoke.

Emma:

Emma ran over to Hook and helped him up. She tried her best not to throw him in her car. Emma drove him over to the hospital. The doctor said he would be fine but he would have a major scar. "Who did this," he asked. Emma was hesitant to say, "The Evil Queen." He was somewhat shocked. "Regina," he muttered. Emma then left the hospital and head to Mary Margaret's.

Emma barged in to the apartment. "Mary Margaret! We have a problem!" Margaret ran into the room. "What's the problem," she asked in a small panic mode. "It's Regina. She's gone back. She's become the Evil Queen again." Mary Margaret's face was more then full of despair. "What?" Emma nodded her head, "Yeah."

"Why, how?" Mary Margaret desperately asked. Emma said, "Me, its my fault." Mary Margaret looked at Emma angrily. "How is this your fault Emma." Emma looked down and started to explain it all. "I didn't treat her right. I was childish...also..." Emma paused. "What Emma...what did you do?" Mary Margaret sounded enraged. "I kissed Hook... And she found out." Mary Margaret gave Emma a look. "Your problem, you fix it," and then she walked away. Emma slept over at Mary Margaret's apartment that night. When she woke up she had the stupidest idea. She was going to visit Regina.

Emma walked up the pathway to the door of Regina's. Then the door flew open and Regina walked out.

Regina:

"Hello Emma." Regina's voice was icy and smooth. Emma tried to get her words out but she couldn't. Regina's stare was overpowering and somewhat scary. Emma tried her best not to look Regina in the eyes. She was afraid and this made her stutter. "Out with it miss Swan," Regina snapped. She had no patience for this thorn in her side. Finally Emma got out something, "I'm sorry." Regina stared her in the eyes. The pain in her was turning into rage. Emma looked away. Everything that was bottled was being let lose. Regina was going to take it out on Emma. With a flick of her wrist Emma went flying. She landed in an awkward position. Emma fractured her wrist.

"It seems to me that you are a broken record. You say I'm sorry but you don't mean it." Regina moved close to Emma's ear and whispered, "You will pay...everyone will. All because of you miss Swan." She moved her hand over Emma and she disappeared. Emma was transported back to Mary Margaret's. Then Regina walked back into her house. "Serves her right, but this isn't the end."


	9. Chapter 9

Emma:

Emma landed in the floor of the apartment. "Well that didn't go well," she stated. Then she tried to push up off the ground, but a sharp pain struck throughout her body from her wrist. It was broken. Someone from behind helped her up. It was Charming. "What didn't go well," he asked playfully. Emma turned around and held her wrist. "Paid a little visit to my ex-girlfriend..." Charming laughed then took a look ate Emma's wrist. He did a homemade cast for her hand and wrist.

"What happened," Mary Margaret asked. "Regina wants me to pay for the pain I caused her...and not just me...she wants everyone to pay," Emma said while looking at the floor. She felt like all of this was her fault. Then a knock came to the door. Charming opened it and it was Hook.

"I think your lovely Queen dropped this," he said while holding bout his hand. It held the locket Emma gave Regina. "The locket..." Emma took it and put it in her pocket. She didn't want to let those days go. Then an idea sparked, "Gold." Mary Margaret and Charming looked at Emma. "You want to bring him into this mess," they said in unison. Emma nodded and started for the door. She passed Hook like he wasn't even there.

Emma opened the door to Gold's shop. "Well hello there dearie," Gold playfully. Emma walked up to the counter and spoke swiftly, "We need a way to find Regina." He laughed at Emma. "You need me to help you find your girlfriend? Not that's a bad relationship." Emma slammed her useful hand on the counter. "Look we need to find her before she hurts anyone else...I screwed up and brought the Evil Queen back. I need to stop her." Gold smirked at Emma. "I have just the thing." He left to go get the elixir.

When he returned he handed Emma a green elixir. "Pour it on an object of Regina's then wear it. You'll be able to feel everything she does. You may even be able to hear her thoughts." Emma took the elixir. "But I don't have anythi—" Then Emma remembered the locket. She pulled it out. "Will this do," she asked. "That is will dearie." Gold then told him that the price was to keep Regina away from him or Belle. "She more dangerous and vicious then you think. With a heart is one thing, but a broken one is so much worse.

Once they got back to the apartment Emma dropped a few drops of the elixir onto the locket and then put it on. The moment it touched her neck she felt a extreme sadness, then anger, and next those feels we're numbed out. She could feel anything. Then something stirred inside her. Anger, hate, and despair. She missed the numbness because those feeling were torture. "How does she live like this," Emma exclaimed loudly. Mary Margaret and Charming both helped Emma to sit down.

Regina:

Regina sat in her room and did more thinking. She thought about how she didn't want to care about anyone. She didn't want to be cared about. She wanted to be feared. Knowing these thoughts pasted through her mind she grabbed the closest thing to her and threw it. It was the box Emma put the locket in. Out from it fell a note.

It read: Dear Reggie, I know we have our differences. I know we will fight, but I need you are my sunshine. -Em

Regina became more angry because she was feeling love. He stood up and put her hand to her chest. Slowly she pushed it in to her body. She grasped her heart and ripped it right out. She gasped for breath. Then she sat down on the bed.

She stared at the dark beating heart. Its beat was slow and a calm pace. She started to crush it. She winced but keep constricting it. Then she heard, "Mom, what are you doing?" She turned her head and in the doorway was Henry. "Henry..." Her heart glowed brighter just thinking about Henry. Regina could not put words to what was happening to her. "Go to sleep. Its past 4am."

"No, not till I know what's going on. Did you do that to Hook?" Regina took a deeply breath. "Yes." Saying that hurt worse and she squeezed her heart tighter. "Mom!" Regina stopped him. "Henry..." This time Henry stopped her. "If you are doing what I think your doing..." Then he ran off. Regina would have ran after him but instead she say back down.

She started to cry. "Why do I always mess up...Why am I always fucking up!" She looked at her heart and knew death wasn't an answer to her prayers either. Her love of Emma was stopping her from dying. She placed the heart back inside of herself. Her love wouldn't stop her from dealing with her pain though.

She locked the door and grabbed a blade. This time she pushed deep into herself. The sensations she felt made her tear up, but the crying had stopped. The crimson liquid escaped the cuts. Regina felt comforted in a strange way.

Emma:

Emma had repeatedly woken up to the pain in her chest. It felt like it was being crushed. She had no idea what was going on until Henry called. When Emma learned of Regina's acts she wanted to scream. The pain in her chest had stopped and Emma feared the worse. Her arm hurt extremely badly too. She called Charming into the room. "We're on a rescue mission." The sun had just risen as they left.


	10. Chapter 10

Emma:

Emma and Charming arrive at Emma's and Henry opens the door. "She locked herself in," he said frantically. Emma looked at him and started to panic. "You told me over the phone she was in a bad state and my heart hurt. You never told me what was happening." Henry became teary eyed. He yelled at Emma, "She was crushing her own heart!" Emma began to break. She felt her life slipping away from her. She didn't know if it as Regina's or her own. Emma looked at Charming then to Henry. She ran inside the house.

She ran into Regina's door trying to break it down. It wouldn't move. "Regina!" Emma called out her name repeatedly. The was no answer from the room. Emma's nightmare was becoming a reality. Was she really going to lose Regina? She refused to believe she would.

Then Charming moved Emma out of the way and both of them started to kick the door. Suddenly a voice called out weakly from behind the door, "go away." They stopped kicking and Henry walked up to the door. "Mom, please... Open the door." Henry was crying. There was no answer. Emma became impassioned to get that door down. She body slammed it down. She fell to the floor. "Regina!" Emma got up to see Regina laying on blood stained sheets. Her eyes were barely open. She looked like she was in a daze. What was she dreaming about.

Emma ran over to her and held her hand. "Regina, you're going to be okay." Emma was trying to comfort Regina but Regina looked at her. "Who said I want to be okay." Emma moved away as Regina sat up. "Ms. Swan, you are the reason I'm the one thing I don't want to be." Emma looked at Regina puzzled. "I didn't make you the Evil Queen. You made yourself that." Regina began to cry. "No! You're the reason I'm alive!" Regina was yelling behind her hysterics. "I want this pain gone and nothing, not even being the Evil Queen could damper the pain. I love you Emma. You're the reason I still have some feeling. Its killing me though!" Henry walked in the room and ran to Regina.

He hugged her. "I love you too," Regina whispered. Then Henry asked, "Are you going to be okay?" Regina didn't answer. She just hugged him back. "See Regina, even with pain comes love." Regina looked at Emma and her eyes were bloodshot red. "Nothing can take away what I've done. Nothing can take away this painful memories. I use to not regret them, but I do deep down." Emma walked back to Regina and helped her stand up. Regina didn't have enough energy to fight back. Emma hugged Regina. "Lets make new memories then," Emma said. Regina pushed away from Emma and fell back onto her bed.

Regina wiped the tears away from her eyes with her cut arm. This left small lines blood on her face. "Emma...I..." Regina never finished her sentence because she passed out. "No!" Both Henry and Emma went to Regina's rescue. Emma was in complete panic mode now. She didn't want to lose her like she did in the nightmare. "Get her to the car," Charming said sternly.

In the car Emma held Regina's hand and felt all feeling slip away. She kissed Regina's forehead and a soft blue light trickled over Regina. Emma felt a sudden rush of feeling, but Regina's eyes stayed closed. Then they arrived at the hospital.

Emma, Henry, and Charming all waited for the 'ok' to see Regina. The nurse came to them and said, "She'll be fine, but she'll have to stay here for a few days to make sure she can be safe before going home." Then the nurse showed them to Regina's bed. She looked like she was resting. "Should I bother her," Emma asked. She didn't wait for answer. Emma walked over and took Regina's hand. Regina's eyes began to open.

She looked up at Emma starry-eyed. She looked happy to see Emma. "Hey Em." It had been a while since Emma heard that nickname. Emma started to speak but Regina spoke instead. "I'm sorry...for everything...I let the pain take control again." Emma just leaned in and kissed Regina's forehead again. "Don't apologize," she whispered. Regina smiled a bright smile.

"I love you Em. I always will." Regina pulled Emma's head down and kissed her on the lips. "I love you too," Emma said when they were done. Then Emma placed the locket back around Regina's neck. Henry walked over and smiled. "Hey," Regina said tenderly as she smiled at her son. The nurse came by and said, "The Evil Queen needs her rest." Emma got infuriated and told the nurse off. Regina is not the Evil Queen anymore. Then Emma and Henry left with Charming. The next few days will be torture knowing Regina is in place where people hate her.


	11. Chapter 11

Regina:

She felt lonely as she laid in her cot. She wished Emma was here but she knew she wouldn't be. Emma was so spineless now a days. Regina loved Emma but she was hurting. Then a shadow was cast over her. It was Emma! Her hand reached out and touched Regina's. Emma pulled a chair over to the cot.

"I'm not leaving this spot." She smiled at her and Regina smiled back. "I'm going to be all night, and until your out." Regina swallowed her cries. He was happy that Emma was actually trying to be a good girlfriend now. They exchanged a kiss.

Emma:

Regina was extremely exhausted and closed her eyes to sleep. Emma sat there staring at her love. She was surprised Regina had forgiven her so many times over. It never was like Regina to forgive people. Emma felt special. She brushed her hand across Regina's cheek. She was so cute when she slept.

The next day Emma was asleep in the chair when she heard Regina say her name. Her eyes fluttered open and she saw her love hooked up to the IV. She had hoped it was all just a horrible nightmare, but it wasn't. "Regina," Emma said softly. "I want to tell you something." Regina sat up and prompted for Emma to start. "Before Henry found me I felt so alone. I felt like an outcast and weird. I felt kinda empty. I learned to live on my own, but I was sad even when I didn't want to admit it." She paused and took Regina's hand. "I wanted a home, but I didn't have one. Then Henry brought me to Storybrooke. I know we never liked each other at first, but it's become more the liking each other. Regina I love you..." Regina stopped her to say, "I love you too." Emma smiled and said, "I know. I just want you to feel loved and safe. I know its hard for you to love, but you're trying... I need to try harder to make it up to you... For all this..."

Regina:Regina smiled at Emma and kissed her forehead. "Just never stop trying," she whispered. She was always tender with her touch when it came to Emma. They sat together for hours. They nurse tried to get Emma to leave but she wouldn't. Eventually Regina was discharged because the safety evaluation went well.

They stopped at her mansion first to get Regina into clothes that were suitable to go out in. Next they drove over to Granny's. Regina was hesitant to walk it, but she got over her anxiety. They walked in and sat down. They ordered food and chatted. No one seemed to bother them. She wondered if they had heard about what happened to her. She tried to tell herself she didn't care if they did. Ruby came over to refill their drinks and smiled at them. Regina was really confused now.

"Feel better..." Ruby mumbled as she walked away. After they paid they went to Regina's place. They walked in the door and Regina stopped. "I'm tired. I think I'm going to head to bed. Feel free to stay the night dear." She started to walk up the stairs. "Why should I stay when I'm gonna live here?" Regina turned around and smiled brightly. She almost lost it.

Emma:Regina changed into her night clothes and laid down. She pulled the covers over her just have them pulled back off. She felt a shift in weight on the bed. Emma had climbed in. The covers were over them and Emma tightly held onto Regina as if for dear life. Emma wanted to protect what was hers. She wanted Regina to feel safe.

"Goodnight Regina," she whispered as she snuggled her. Regina was asleep by then. Emma was never letting go of her again. Then she started to sleep. The two never moved that night. Their dreams were contempt and so where they.


End file.
